• Christine Bergsma

How not to feel judged

Updated: Jul 23, 2019




There are two reasons why people judge you: the first is that they have never been in a similar situation and by giving their opinion, provides them with the illusion of superiority. The second is that they are so broken themselves, that it is easier to criticize you than face their truth.


In previous posts we explored how choosing love is a powerful way to make decisions. Fear is easy, it’s something we were born with and for the most part received most of the attention growing up. Be careful not to fall, don’t hang out with the wrong crowd, make sure you choose a good career and so forth. At some point we need to choose how we wish to live our lives. So if you have chosen to live a life based out of love, you will be much more powerful and aligned to your purpose.


Opinions of others is one of the side effects of choosing a life based on love. Fear makes it easy, we can run away or fight this very intense emotion. Opinions that are fear based often compliment our already predetermined belief system. Keep in mind that the opinions that we form about ourselves are also ingrained into how we were raised. If you were taught to believe that you are not good enough, that you are not deserving of a happy life or that abuse in any form was okay, then those opinions about who you will be echoed throughout your life, until the lesson is learned and the cycle broken.


Say, for example you wish to get into better physical shape, but fear keeps you from going to the gym. So your belief that you’re not deserving, not good enough or have to be an expert in all the classes and have a degree in how the equipment work perpetuates your fear. Instead, you just stay home and justify your belief that you’ll be judged by others. Or you just make the decision that you’re not really a “exercise-type” and thereby preamtifly solidified your opinion about yourself the projected beliefs of others.


Meanwhile, there is a little voice inside you that wishes to just go to the gym and not care what other people think about you. Social media certainly doesn’t help in this regard, it creates a mirage of what life is supposed to be like. So we fall into the comparison trap and allow opinions, likes, subscribers and so forth to determine our value. We post to our pages in fear of comments or we forego posting altogether in fear of negative attention. Step by step, we diminish our opinions about ourselves and give others the control.


What if you loved yourself so much and made a decision to just go to the gym, regardless of the opinionated beliefs that you or others have placed on your growth? Love requires courage, dedication and the ability for the world to see you, the authentic you.

Take a moment to journal down some of the opinions that hold you back? Where did they come from? Where did you learn to believe this about yourself?


Vulnerability is the concept in human sciences to expose your most truthful self, leaving you open to the possibility of being attacked. One could argue that by choosing to live out of fear is living in a much more vulnerable state that choosing love. I’m not going to the gym because I’m fearful of others judging me, these phrases leave us vulnerable to loneliness, depression, an unhealthy lifestyle, not living out our full potential amongst others.


Flip this around and let’s go to the gym, let’s do that guided journal, let’s choose love. Love does not leave you vulnerable, it empowers you. You are working on a better life, because you are free from the opinions of others and the detrimental beliefs created. You rely on your inner strength and choose love for yourself first.


When we choose to create our own opinions about ourselves from a place of love and respect for our bodies, minds and spirits, we are embolden. How do we create opinions about ourselves? Firstly, we journal down our values, what values do we want to live by? We make a clear cut with the opinions and beliefs that prevent us from thriving. How do we break the cycle? We no longer feel the need to compare our own growth to that of others because we chose love. When opinions about other people creep up in our lives, we draw on empathy and reflect our own broken parts before reacting.


There is a term in politics called first and secondary voting. First voting is the party each and every one of us would like to vote for, because their platforms resonate the most with our values or we want a specific change. Secondary voting is the party most people usually vote for, because they are perceived as the winning party or we believe that others will more likely vote for them. Take this idea into account with your own decision making, are you voting for yourself with a secondary or first vote?


Keep Journaling, Keep Growing.


#journaling #growing #inspiration #love #fear #beliefs #opinions #judgement #socialmedia #comparison #LGBTQ